From The Blogger's Desk: Sorrows From The Past

Not my story.....

 Living a life of a broke student was painful, hectic and fun at the same time. But the site of having someone who loves you sends the cool chilling breeze to my heart whenever I think of it. My years in school wasn't that smooth but he made it worth it....He was my lover man and I was his queen of Sheba. I thought love will never find me again but it did....A Love story that touches the heart continues below...
Facing life of a broken home had crushed me so hard that I thought it hard to find love again. My father was strict and too religious but then he never practice what he teaches to us.

Most nights my siblings and I watch how our father pounce on our helpless mother at any slightest mistake she makes.
Moving into campus was kind of relief moving away from my Mike Tyson father but the fear of leaving my helpless mother in his hands rips my heart into piece but then I had to study in order to make it and take care of her and my siblings.

Finally away from my troubled home, back into campus life where life rotates in another circle. A place where you either mingle with the good, bad or ugly. I met all the three but just as a means of survival I had to choose the good girls gone bad in order to survive.
Before life turned its ugly head against me, I was with the good girls crew, whose motive were to stick to just one man and study hard. There I met him, the King of my heart, he captured me in every sense, although not rich like Bill Gates or Dangote but he was all a woman who needed affection could ask for in a man.

We fought, we made up, and above all, he never love to see me cry. He was the opposite of my father who took away the heart of love for men in me. He brought back that peace and joy a woman earns for in a relationship.

All went so smooth until I got pregnant for him but the fear of how I would survive leaving with a man who could barely feed himself and I since I moved out from my home after the last fight I had with my father and secondly having a child out of wedlock.

Although at that point, my father never matter to me any more because he was out of my life. The very day I saw him hitting my mother again , I tried stopping him but he pushed me away that I hit my head on a wall. I couldn't sit back and watch him hit my mother time after time, then I tried to hit back but couldn't because he is my father. When I couldn't watch him hitting her anymore, I was forced to retaliate and there the trouble began. My father disowned me and threw me, my siblings and mother out from the house. We had to rent a room with the little money my mum saved from her little business.

Finding out I was pregnant, got me so worried. Too many questions in my mind. At first I was scared of letting him know for fear of losing him over pregnancy. I didn't know if I should tell him or abort it. I didn't want him to feel I was holding him down with the pregnancy. The last thing I ever wanted at that period was rejection.
A part of me wanted the baby but another part of says get rid of it. But then even if he accepts, what about my family?, what about my school?, how will i raise the child, what will my friends think about me?, pregnancy out of wedlock?....

I thought it twice before talking to some of my friends who would understand me well. But the pains of letting my mother know what was about to come out from the daughter she had hoped on crashed on me more. A disappointment, failure...I just had to suck it up first and tell the man who impregnated me, whether he wants the child or not, I was going to keep it.

After a hectic lecture, I picked up the courage to call Emmy on phone and let him know I will be home late because I had to pick up some few clothes from my hostel before coming down to his house. 

On getting home my prince charming had already prepared me dinner from his little hustling money and was waiting for me to get home. Just after the meal, I tried to pick up courage to let the cat out of the bag but each time I try, my liver fails me.
Just suddenly when he was about to make another move of love making, I pushed him off and shouted "I am pregnant"... He looked at me in confusion, trying to know if I was serious or joking but then he saw tears dripping down my cheek.
He came close and held me to his heart trying to stop the tears from rolling down. But then I pushed him off seeing that he is not making any attempt of getting angry. I stood up and went to the window still trying to force more tears down.

"Do you mean what you just said or are you joking?", he asked. I pretend not to hear him with my heart racing and pounding hard.

Is he angry now?, I kept asking myself, but then I said to myself, what will be, will be, either he accepts it or he doesn't.
Then I turned towards him, "It's okay if you don't want the pregnancy, I just want to let you know that I won't abort it". Without turning to hear what he will say, I picked up my bag and left his house.
On getting back to Campus I cried my eyes out,"I lost him", I told my roommates who were trying to find out why I am crying in my condition. But all I needed was space to think how I was going to raise a child alone without father.

Part 2 continue next time......
 By Stella Obike