How Can I Ever Forgive My Mother?

Dear readers,
I was born when my mother was almost 19 years. According to her story my father wanted her to abort me because he was married to another woman and he was a top politician that didn't want his name to be soiled. My mother said she accepted and took the money from my father for the abortion but instead used the money to sponsor herself to America after I was born.
Now I am almost 19 years same age my mother was when she had me and you can never know she is my mother because she still look young and beautiful. People mistake her for my senior sister.
I love my mum but sometimes she annoys me with her kind of dressing, my mum has eight tattoos on her body, and planning having another one. On my 18th birthday, my mother and my boyfriend organized a suprise party for me, unknown to me that it was a day my worst nightmare would begin.
Everyone was having fun in the house but all of a sudden I couldn't find my boyfriend in the party anymore, at first I thought maybe he went to get something or hanging out with his friends to smoke, because everyone was trying to catch fun to their fullest and it's my birthday  I didn't want to have any negative feelings. After about an hour, there was still no sign of my boyfriend so I decieded to go call my boyfriend outside the house to know where he was because the sound of the music was too loud inside.


I was shocked with what I saw behind my neighbour's backyard. My mother and my boyfriend having sex together!. He is just 19years and my mother was just 36years, a boy old enough to be her son. I broke up with my boyfriend after that because I couldn't stand it. As if that was not enough, two months later, my mother told me she was pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's child and she wants to keep the baby.

People had adviced her not to keep the baby for my sake and our relationship but she still insist on having this baby because the doctors told her she couldn't get pregnant anymore unless by miracle and now that she is pregnant, she tends to keep it.

I already moved out of our house and stay with a friend of mine, I can't stand my mother anymore, she disgust me and I feel so betrayed and lost. For me she is dead in my life, I am like an orphan in need of serious help before I do something stupid to myself. God why me?.